What I've (kind of) been doing back in LA

Pictures!

2nd quarter starts tomorrow! Wish me luck!

Bed Blog #2

I've settled into this new life of mine and I look back to the days leading up to my original departure and it feels like lifetimes ago. Just roughly a month ago I was laced with fear, not to say that I'm still not completely terrified of what's to come, but even more so then.  I feel like I'm changing so rapidly and everything is such a whirlwind of chaotic things that sometimes I can't even catch my breath. Sometimes my ears are in my stomach and my eyes stay looking for anything familiar because everything now is so new and different.

When I get lost I start to panic and my palms start sweating because who can I call to save me? It's just me. Sometimes I think I'll have to pull over to catch myself and remind myself that I can do this. 

I can do this. 

I'm doing this. 

Bed Blog #1

I can only remember (or find the energy) to blog when I'm in bed at 2 am, so most of my thoughts are laced with the sleeps. 

My Mondays are always the same. Apparel Process for 6 hrs but I enjoyed today. That's not so normal since 6 hrs in the same spot is a lot to get through. 

Same process as always, patterns first, sewing later. We sewed together cute little mock pieces to demo darts, and I was in love with how tiny the pieces were. We are sewing together a dress from our own patters by the end of the summer. We have the option to make it in the muslin (this ugly plain cotton fabric above) or bring our own woven fabric. I haven't decided what I want to do yet, but I've got a week to figure it out.

Midterm is next week, which is week 5, and I'm freaking out. Time has flew by! It's crazy that I'll be a quarter done with my program in just 6 weeks.

Mom comes to see me next weekend and I couldn't be more excited. Mostly excited for free groceries though. ;) 

Rain.

It's 2:51 AM.

I just got off of Skype with B after spending hours laughing and watching Netflix simultaneously. 

I love being out here to live out my dreams and explore new parts of myself. I love having the option to start over and create new habits for myself. What I do not love is feeling this alone. 

It sounds so luxurious to be living in LA and going to a well-known fashion school. But it's not all glitter and gold. I am surrounded by unfamiliar territory every time I walk out of my door. I feel like every one around me is in on this big secret and I'm the person they're keeping it from. 

I deeply know that this is my path and this is what is right for me, but this level of loneliness is deafening. This heart-stopping stillness is sometimes defeating. This is nothing compared to traveling across the world with a group of strangers. At least then we were all in it together. Now, it's just me.

I understand that this will get better and I will grow and learn to rip myself from being dependent of others and learn to rely on myself for stability. It will just take time. For now, I'm just sad and lonely. This too shall pass.